let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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