you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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