I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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