I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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