she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
