I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
