It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
