Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
