wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
