Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
