Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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