So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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