You work out of a Hotel?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
