oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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