help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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