I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This toilet bowl is my home.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
