i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
