I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize