where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
