you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
