Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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