Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
