My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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