Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
