rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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