John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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