so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
