if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
how does that bad decision feel?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
