Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
