Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
