My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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