he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize