Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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