Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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