i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
