turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
