neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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