I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
