I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it's like iHOP with fire
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize