Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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