dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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