sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he fucked my hip out of place.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
