Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
