Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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