i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
