I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
