Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
