i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
