I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
