They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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