I'm eating all of the evidence.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
