fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sarcasm needs its own font
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
