Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your cock deserves a montage
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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