Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
