his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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