Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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