My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
