He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
