she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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