Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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