He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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