I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
