Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
