also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
