You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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