i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
