I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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