the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
