I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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