Having a random hookup so left but love u
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
